As I age, I notice the increased necessity of staying in shape. Diet and lifestyle are no longer taken for granted, now that I have to take them seriously. And more than ever, I'm conscious that my body has its own language. It does not speak English. When I listen to it and try to understand what it’s saying, a conversation arises. When I respond, it replies. The conversation flows especially well when I’m having fun and being active. That’s another thing I’ve learned.

The same is true of my heart. It has its own language. It doesn’t speak English or French or any of the other hundreds of languages that human beings have invented. It speaks in its native language because what it wants to say does not fit into any other language. It’s a beautiful language: it’s the language of feeling.

This morning, as I was rolling around on my back with my legs in the air doing my own version of yoga (or maybe Pilates), it occurred to me that feeling good is really what it’s all about, when you get right down to it. As I stretched my legs over my head I felt relaxation flowing all the way down to my feet, moving through my sciatic nerve. It felt like my body was helping me learn how to heal the soreness. I was doing leg extensions when it struck me that — yes, of course — the message I was getting came as a feeling. I seem to be very receptive to feeling good. I'm wired for love.

So many times, because of fear, I close myself off to relationships. Because I think the love I'm feeling is coming from someone else, there is an anxiety that I might lose it. As it turns out — which I’ve learned through much trial and error — the feeling of love is always in my own heart. The need for love and the feeling of love seem to be complimentary — not separate. Friendship, conversation and collaboration are all enhanced when I am content and happy.

I’m so grateful to Maharaji for sharing with me the technique for listening to my heart. And I’m so glad that feeling love isn't dependent on someone else: it's dependent on my ability to feel.

I know now, in my sixth decade, that this adventure of existence doesn’t last forever. I'm trying to practice. I'm trying to listen to the language of the heart. I'm trying to understand that everything is vulnerable because it's bound to change. If there is anything that is not vulnerable it would have to be that feeling. It makes growing older a celebration, not a retirement; a conversation, not a monologue; a growing process, not a winding down.

Why did I come here and where do I go may be open questions, but the love that has guided me on this journey has always reminded me that it’s okay to trust the feeling of the heart.

Illustration by Sara Shaffer.